Dear Melissa,

My son and wife have started your program with great results, and I am happy for them. But recently they decided their three children (ages 13, 12, and 4) should be on (the Whole30) too. Not one of these children are overweight in any area; they are all tall and slim.

I am really worried about (the Whole30) hurting them at their ages—for sure the 4-year-old. I understand not letting them eat a bag of chips or cookies, but I got yelled at for giving them two Oreos after swimming in my pool all day. I really don’t remember my son saying (the kids) were on this diet too, but I probably would have given it to them anyway! Please advise, I am worried. –Carolyn, Milton FL

Dear Carolyn,

Thanks so much for writing with your concerns. I’ll do my best to help you understand a bit more about our program. I’ll also give you my best advice for talking to your son and daughter-in-law about their decision to do the Whole30 with their children. There are a few moving parts here, so I’ll take them one at a time.

Why Parents Put their Kids on the Whole30

First, it’s important that you understand that the Whole30 is not a weight loss diet. Your son and daughter-in-law may have begun the program overweight (I don’t know if this is true). However, if you asked them why they took the program on, I’m certain you’ll hear they were hoping to have more energy, reduce cravings, sleep better, improve digestion, reduce aches and pains, and achieve any number of health benefits offered by the program.

Action item:

Ask your son and daughter-in-law why they decided to do the Whole30, and the life-changing results they experienced. You may be surprised by the benefits you can’t see!

Parents also put their children on the Whole30 for many reasons, but in most cases, they use the program to identify food sensitivities. These are foods that are having a negative impact on their kids’ health. (The Whole30 is, in part, an elimination diet.) These food sensitivities and their resulting health effects can manifest in children in any number of ways, including:

  • Behavioral issues (attention deficit, tantrums, hyperactivity, anxiety, aggressiveness, etc.)
  • Digestive issues (stomach aches, constipation, diarrhea, gas, bloating, spitting up, etc.)
  • Sleep issues (trouble falling asleep/staying asleep/waking easily, restless sleep, fatigue)
  • Specific health issues (asthma, allergies, eczema, acne, rashes, migraines, etc.)
  • General health issues (trouble gaining weight, chronic colds or ear infections, etc.)

As your grandkids aren’t overweight, I seriously doubt weight loss was any consideration whatsoever in the decision to put their kids on the Whole30. However, it would be really helpful for you to hear for yourself what those considerations were.

Action item:

Ask your son and daughter-in-law what they hope to see by putting their kids on the Whole30, and what health or behavioral issues they may be dealing with outside of your observation.

You may not be aware of all of the concerns your son and daughter-in-law may have for your grandchildren’s health. It’s likely that their Whole30 results are prompting them to apply the same framework to dramatically improve their kids’ lives.

The Safety of the Whole30 Program

Once you better understand their motivations for putting their kids on the Whole30, you can then rest assured that the Whole30 is a nutrient-dense plan. It will provide your grandkids with all of the calories, macronutrition, and micronutrition they need to thrive.

Of course, we are not doctors, and we always recommend that people consult their health care provider before making any dietary switch. That having been said, we (and the hundreds of doctors and registered dietitians who use our program with their patients) would be hard-pressed to find fault with a 30-day diet that consisted of nothing but nutrient-dense, whole, real foods, including lots and lots of vegetables!  In addition, the kids eat as much healthy food as they want, as often as they need. We don’t restrict calories like a traditional “diet.”

In fact, we did a micronutrient comparison in It Starts With Food that shows the Whole30 program actually provides even more vitamins and minerals than even a “healthy” diet based on whole grains and low-fat dairy, across nearly every micronutrient category while providing far less sodium, added sugar, and “empty calories.”

But even if you’re still concerned, remember that our program is only 30 days. It’s a scientific experiment designed to help people figure out how the food they’ve been eating is actually affecting their health. Your grandkids are free to go back to eating cereal or drinking milk after the Whole30 is over… if they discover through the program that these foods have no adverse effects on their health.*

Action item:

Talk to your son and daughter-in-law about the kids’ meals and snacks. Ask for examples of what they’ve been eating, or review some recipes they’ve been using for mealtime. See for yourself that they’re being very well fed on the Whole30!

*And if they do discover a link between some of these foods and health or behavioral issues, as a caring grandmother who only wants what is best for her grandkids, wouldn’t you want them to continue to avoid these problematic foods?

Respecting the Whole30 Decision

Finally, it’s time for a little tough love, for which we (the Whole30 and I) are famous. Your son and daughter-in-law are responsible for their children, and as such, get to set the rules for their kids. And in your role as grandparents, it is your duty to respect those rules, even if you disagree.

I know your initial question referenced concern for your grandkids’ health. If you follow all of the action items above, those concerns should be largely, if not completely, put to rest. Which begs the question, why would you go against their parents’ wishes and feed them food which may interfere with this 30-day experiment?  An experiment that your son and daughter-in-law feel is so important for their kids’ health that they are going through considerable time and effort to carry out the Whole30 as a family?

Above all, if your son and daughter-in-law advise you that their children are doing the Whole30 and provide you with very specific parameters of what they can and cannot have during this time period, it is your obligation as to respect their decision. Period.

This means no Oreos. Not even if your grandkids ask for them.  Not even if you feel the need to show them love by feeding them treats. Not even if you think the Whole30 is silly, and kids should just be kids, and your son and daughter-in-law are depriving them of a normal childhood. No. Oreos.

Action item:

Ask your son and daughter-in-law for specific details of what the kids can and cannot eat while on the Whole30. Brainstorm compatible snack and meal ideas while the kids are in your care. Reassure them that you know this is important to them, which makes it important to you, which means you will respect their decision. And follow through with your commitment, so your grandkids don’t think they can play their parents and grandparents against each other.

While your first impression of the Whole30 may not have been overwhelmingly positive, the program can actually bring families closer together. In addition, by supporting your son and daughter-in-law; opening up productive, authentic conversations; and showing your grandkids love by helping them get healthier from the inside out, you’ll observe firsthand the benefits of the Whole30 that go far beyond weight loss.

I wish you and your family the best in health,

Melissa

Got a question for Melissa? Submit it here.

Remember, we aren’t answering questions about the Whole30 rules via this column (use the forum!), nor are we able to offer you specific advice about your medical issue, health condition, or body composition.

Melissa Hartwig Urban is a Certified Sports Nutritionist, and a 5-time New York Times bestselling author (It Starts With Food; The Whole30Food Freedom ForeverThe Whole30 Cookbook; The Whole30 Day by Day; and The Whole30 Fast and Easy Cookbook). She has been featured in the Wall Street JournalNew York Times, Forbes, CNBC, DetailsOutside, SELF, and Shape as the co-founder of the Whole30 program. Melissa lives in Salt Lake City, UT.

Photo credit: Marie Carmel Photography

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Published by Melissa Urban

Melissa Urban is a 7x New York Times bestselling author (including the # bestselling The Whole30) who specializes in helping people establish healthy boundaries and successfully navigate habit change. She has been featured by the New York Times, People, the Wall Street Journal, Forbes, The Today Show, and Good Morning America, and is a prominent keynote speaker on boundaries, building community, health trends, and entrepreneurship. She lives in Salt Lake City, UT with her husband, son, and a poodle named Henry.

Melissa Urban

Co-Founder / CEO

Melissa Urban is a 7x New York Times bestselling author (including the # bestselling The Whole30) who specializes in helping people establish healthy boundaries and successfully navigate habit change. She has been featured by the New York Times, People, the Wall Street Journal, Forbes, The Today Show, and Good Morning America, and is a prominent keynote speaker on boundaries, building community, health trends, and entrepreneurship. She lives in Salt Lake City, UT with her husband, son, and a poodle named Henry.