Welcome to Dear Melissa, where I answer your questions about transitioning into or completing a Whole30, successfully sticking to your new healthy habits, and figuring out how to make this lifestyle work in the real world. Today, I’ve recruited the help of Dr. Michael Ruscio to help me explain why those with autoimmune conditions, chronic pain, or chronic infections have a harder time with reintroduction than others, and how to handle the disappointment if you find some foods are simply off-limits post-Whole30.
Dear Melissa,
Before the Whole30, I had a lot of chronic pain in my joints, brain fog, and muscle pain. Once my Whole30 was complete, I felt better than I had felt in years! My pain was gone, and I had lots of energy. When my co-workers completed their Whole30, they continued to feel okay during reintroduction. I decided to try some of my “old” foods too, but now my pain is back. I’m discouraged that foods others seem to enjoy without consequence affects me so negatively. I worry I will never be able to eat the foods my friends do without pain. –Michelle, Springfield, MO
Dear Michelle,
First, I’m sorry. Food is so much more than just “fuel.” It’s connection, joy, memory, and tradition. Losing a food we used to love is a grieving process, both for that food and everything that comes along with being able to enjoy it without digestive distress, energy disruptions, inflammation, or pain.
You came to the Whole30 with symptoms of inflammation, and during elimination, those symptoms disappeared. This is such good news! You now have a path to living life mostly pain-free, at least in the context of the negative effects those foods were having. Upon reintroduction, it seems like you’ve displayed a greater sensitivity to some (or all) of these food groups. That’s not necessarily surprising, given that the food groups we eliminate are commonly problematic for the gut and/or immune system. In your system, it’s like taking sandpaper to an already scraped-up knee. One small swipe leaves you freshly bleeding.
Your co-workers, however, perhaps didn’t come into the program with the same degree of inflammation or health issues. It appears that their reactions to foods are not as severe or directly consequential as yours. (We’ll come back to this in a minute.) So yes, you’re watching them eat bread or cheese or a cookie seemingly without consequence. Their systems aren’t as compromised as yours; at the very least, their immune systems aren’t so paranoid. By contrast, this is like taking sandpaper to a perfectly healthy knee. One swipe may leave a light scrape, but it’s not going to bleed.
Remember, everyone’s Whole30 is unique. The foods that work well for me won’t necessarily work well for you, and vice-versa. Your health history, lifestyle, context, genetics, age, and other factors all play a role in how your body responds to different foods. No two people will experience the same reintroduction reactions. This is what makes the Whole30 so valuable! It offers a personalized road map for the foods that do and do not work well in your unique system.
So let’s unpack some of the stressful parts of your question, and see if we can’t move you further along in these valid and necessary stages of food-grief.
You don’t (and can’t) know how foods work for other people
You are acutely aware of how your body responds to these foods. And you think you know how your co-workers are responding too. But can you, really? Maybe they do experience digestive distress after pizza. Maybe their head is on their desk at 2 PM after eating the mid-morning bagel. Maybe their energy, sleep, mood, or aches and pains do suffer with some of these foods. Maybe eating these foods does leave them feel sluggish, bloated, and headachey. Maybe eating these foods makes them feel light as a feather and energized like that bunny. The truth is, you really can’t know. (And that’s not your business anyway.)
Don’t focus on other people’s reintroduction experiences, and please don’t try to compare. That’s a recipe for stress, and a thief of your Whole30 joy. You had a remarkable elimination. You’ve learned which foods contribute negatively to your symptoms. You are now better able to control your symptoms. That is so empowering, and powerful!
There is a bright side
There is space for the sense of loss that comes along with this experience, which we’ll talk about in a minute. But there is a bright side here too. Your body sends you loud-and-clear signals when you eat a food to which you are sensitive. In a way, this is actually fortunate! This strong and clear response actually makes it easier to avoid things that don’t work for you. You’re less likely to wake up wondering why everything hurts again, and not knowing where to start addressing it.
I will never force a bright side on anyone, so if this isn’t landing for you today, that’s okay. Just put this in your back pocket, in case you have space in the future for looking past the (valid) sense of disappointment you’re feeling right now.
Your body is always changing
Your reintroduction experience also doesn’t mean you’re never going to be able to enjoy a bite of bread, cheese, or a cookie. Remember the skinned knee analogy? You came into the Whole30 with some self-reported very damaged knees. Your 30-day elimination and 12-ish day reintroduction did a lot of healing! But you’re unlikely to resolve all sources of inflammation in just 42 days. It might take much longer for you, and may require additional interventions from your healthcare team. (Food alone can’t fix everything.)
Still, by working with your healthcare team, you can continue to improve your blood sugar regulation, gut health, and immune system. And by continuing to avoid foods to which you are sensitive, you’ll give yourself a solid foundation for that healing. Over time, you may discover your tolerance to grains, dairy, soy, and other reintroduction foods expands. As that skinned knee continues to heal, you may discover a swipe of sandpaper no longer makes it bleed; only sting.
You can also play around with adjusting the dose and frequency of these foods. If a slice of birthday cake brought back your pain, could you have a sliver with fewer consequences? If pizza two days in a row left you suffering, could you have a small slice once in a while?
Alternatively, is there a version of the foods you want to enjoy that would evoke the same joy and connection without the consequences? Would a gluten-free pizza crust or dairy-free ice cream work better in your body and allow you to share the experience with your co-workers? You could certainly explore alternatives; you may be surprised at just how many gluten-free, dairy-free, soy-free, and low-sugar products are available at the grocery store these days!
From food grief to acceptance
Losing a food you love, or the experiences that come attached to that food, truly is a loss. Allow space for those feelings, because they are valid and deserve to be heard. If it helps, journal how you feel, talk with an empathetic friend, or join an online support group for those with food sensitivities.
With time, however, you will learn to accept that this is simply how you have to eat (for now, at least) to remain pain-free. And as much as this sense of loss may come in and out, there will also be a sense of gratitude for this powerful knowledge. You may also let go of these foods, with time. It’s hard to be in love with something that isn’t loving you back, and these foods are clearly not serving you. It’s disappointing, but you may find these foods are simply less appealing with time, given how poorly they make you feel.
Finally, is this fair? Nope. It’s really not. And also, it is what it is. You stay in your power by dealing with it directly and purposefully; creating new habits and behaviors based on the foods that you know leave you feeling your best. You’ve come so far in the last 30+ days, using the Whole30 to learn about yourself, and how foods interact with your body. You have to be a strong and powerful person to have come this far.
I have all the faith in the world that you will take what you’ve learned, difficult though it may be, and move forward with strength and commitment. And I’m proud of you for acknowledging the hard part, instead of trying to shove it down or skip past it. You’re doing the real work here, and I promise, it will pay off.
Wishing you all the best,
Melissa
