Dear Melissa, Is it possible to go on a first date on the Whole30? I hadn’t given it any thought until a guy asked for my number, but now all I could think is, “I’m going to have to delay him for 18 more days or I’ll come off as a food freak!” Of the thousands of people who have completed the Whole30, surely some were dating singles . . . help a girl out?! -Single in Chicago
Dear Single,
I love this question! First, of course you can date on the Whole30—and you should! We don’t want you turning into a Whole30 hermit, and if you’re going to turn this experience into a sustainable Food Freedom plan, you need some practice out there in the real world. So give him your number, and then enact my 4-step plan.
Aside: Suggest coffee as your first date. It’s easy to stay compatible without any modifications, and it’s a short commitment in case your date is a dud. Order a black coffee or Americano, or an unsweetened hot or iced tea. If it’s going well and there’s a natural spot for it, you can mention you’re on a Whole30 right now and set the stage for Date #2. THEN, enact the plan.
Step 1: The talk
If you haven’t already, have the “how you eat” conversation before you plan a brunch or dinner date. You can open with, “Are you vegetarian?” or, “What are some of your favorite foods?” or, “Do you drink?” Let him know how you usually eat (“Yep, I eat meat, I love sushi, and I occasionally have a glass of wine”). Then, mention that you’re in the middle of a 30-day dietary experiment, so your current diet is a bit more specific.
That’s it. Don’t make a big deal out of it; just mention it. If they ask follow-up questions like, “What are you doing?” you can say, “I’m doing the Whole30, have you heard of it?” and then explain that you’re sticking to meat and veggies for 30 days. (That’s overly simplistic, but conveys the gist.)
Here’s what not to do: Don’t lead with what you’re not eating. Don’t talk about how certain foods are “unhealthy.” Don’t over-explain; if they have specific questions, answer them simply. Don’t make it seem like it’s going to be an ordeal at the restaurant. Your attitude: It’s no big deal, you’ve got it down.
Step 2: The place
Ideally you’d suggest a restaurant you know will be easy to stay compatible. (Pick a steak house, your favorite fast-casual healthy spot, or Mexican, where fajitas, salsa, and guac are a pretty safe bet.) You can frame it as, “I love XX, XX, or XX, do any of these spots work for you?” If you’re aiming for something more casual, suggest hitting the Whole Foods hot bar (where each item’s ingredients are prominently displayed), or grabbing takeout from Chipotle.
If your date mentions a spot that you know will be more challenging (like a pizza place), remind them you’re on the Whole30. Then, dig a little deeper: “I can’t do pizza; do they also have salads?” You should be able to easily find middle ground here.
Step 3: Do your homework
Research the menu ahead of time. Call the restaurant if you have questions about the menu. Have. A. Plan. I want you to feel comfortable and confident about your order, so you can focus on getting to know your date. If your only options are lighter fare (like a garden salad with grilled chicken), eat a little something before you go to maintain your energy, focus, and mood.
Step 4: You do you
When you get to the restaurant, just do your thing. “No bun or cheese, please, and can I get steamed vegetables instead of fries?” Or, “Can you please bring me olive oil and lemon for my salad? Thanks.” Then just continue with your date. If they offer to share dessert, just say, “Not today, but you definitely should! I’ll have a cup of decaf/tea.” If they ask if you want a glass of wine, you say, “No thanks, but you go ahead.” You could also remind them, “That’s not part of my Whole30, so that cake is all you.” Also, if you’re comfortable with it, bring your own salad dressing or creamer! It might make the meal more enjoyable, and you could see how your date your date responds.
If your date asks questions about your diet, keep it light. Say, “I do this once in a while to keep my cravings in check,” or, “My allergies have been killing me, so I’m trying to figure that out.” If they’re interested in the details, offer to share more after dinner, then change the subject. (I have a rule not to talk about food over food. That can make things awkward.)
Want to do this again?
Congratulations, your dinner date was a success! Well, food-wise, at least. I can’t say for sure they won’t spend the entire meal talking about themselves. Or crypto. Or their ex. (Which would be worse?)
If you take one thing away here, it’s this: If you don’t make a big deal about food, they probably won’t either. Also, if you’re conscientious about your dietary choices outside of the Whole30, you want to make sure you’re date can roll with that. If they make it a big deal or make you feel like some kind of weirdo, it’s best to find out now. (Their loss.)
Best in health,
Melissa
